In this essay I will outline why I feel the necessity to consume entheogenic substances. From my beginning at age 18 with cannabis to today, in which LSD and THC are the most important tools in my spiritual path; entheogens have changed my life in a way that words cannot describe, and they have protected my sanctity of living the proper life on my proper path in the best way possible. There is also a major difference between an entheogen and a drug which I will describe here, but primarily I want to express: the way in which entheogens showed me a reality that I had never before known; the revealence of a way to love and be happy like no other; and the way in which entheogens helped me clearly see the path before me and helped me begin walking it in a flow rather than a forceful push in directions that weren’t necessarily right for me.
First off let me just give the distinction. Just because someone does a drug, doesn’t make that drug an entheogen. What makes a drug an entheogen then? Well I would calcify it this way: ‘a drug becomes an entheogen when it is used for personal and/or spiritual growth. To alter and expand the conscious mind in a way that helps us achieve a greater knowledge of existence, reality, and the universe.’ I may not approve of things such as Heroin or Cocaine, but I have no right to tell someone that their experiences on these substances are any more or less legitimate than my experiences. On another note, I think it is safe to say that even if someone simply does drugs or entheogens for fun, it is to prepare them now, for the next life when they may perhaps be more spiritual, whether or not they decide to incorporate entheogens next life. In a sense, this makes every time people do drugs, entheogenic. However, for the sake of this essay I will stick to the sense that I have already described. But bear in mind that knowledge transgresses through lives, and perhaps one may wish to experience the intensity of drugs/ entheogens now, so as to be better prepared in the next life for the teachings that follow…
Next on a small tangent before I dive in I’d like to point out that I also believe that LSD and Cannabis are universal entheogens. That is, they are NEVER drugs. This is because they are meant for everyone in the Universe to enjoy and grow from. This is due to the fact that NO ONE can use these two substances and not grow as an individual. Cannabis shows life, love, and tolerance, and LSD expands the consciousness exponentially. And they both produce these effects every time they are consumed; even if it is done merely for fun! Expanding the consciousness and damaging the current thought paradigm isn’t always easy or fun, but it is the right thing to do weather you are Abrahamic, Pagan, Buddhist, or any other. We all need a paradigm shift at least once in our lives. You can’t claim to live without one, regardless of if it is entheogenicly induced or not. To challenge our beliefs is to truly know and experience them.
When I became Pagan I had to know it all. In the beginning I thought Wicca was all there was. It wasn’t for about 3-4 years until I came to Boone that I learned otherwise. And then some. But I realized early on that a lot of people act like they know ‘what’s up’ but few rarely do. They know their piece. But what good is one little piece in the world we live in today? Knowledge is everything!
Next I realized that there were things that I needed to learn to truly call myself a well rounded Pagan. And this is when I realized that Entheogens had much to teach me about the reality around me; primarily by opening my consciousness.
But without further procrastination I will begin with cannabis. But let me take one more step back and start at the beginning of high school. Now in the way of confidence, there are two types of people. There are variations within those types, but in high school the lines aren’t so blurred; or at least, this is how it played out for me… The first type may or may not have bad self-esteem, but they are confident to the point of arrogance. The second, (which is the category I fell into) has no confidence, thinks the world is out to get them and thinks that there is nothing they can ever do about it. These people may or may not have a fake smile, but it’s relatively obvious that nothing backs it up. And rarely does anyone ever move out of these spots. At least they don’t cross over the center line. Though on occasion, people do learn to blend the two; often with the help of entheogens or a religious awakening of some sort (some times it is for the better, sometimes for the worse). For me, entheogens created my religious awakening. But when I was just starting high school, I was very suicidal. There was nothing and no-one to live for. And my life continued in that pain for four years. I dated, and had great friends, but it was never good enough for me. The summer after I graduated, I had nothing better to do with my life, so I decided to try cannabis. It was fun, but not the end all be all of existence. But when I moved to the mountains about eight months later (and discovered medical grade over shwag), it became a crutch in a way that I could have never thought anything could be. I believe it’s OK to use drugs/entheogens as a crutch so long as it isn’t a lifelong crutch. But basically what happened was that because of my being in a new place and only knowing one person, my depression skyrocketed. At this point, cannabis became a lifeline, that I thought didn’t exist in high school. I thought I had to deal with my problems on my own. But after the goddess revealed the gift of cannabis to me, I began to understand that I didn’t have to go through it alone anymore. Over about a period of two years, she was there for me when I needed her most. The times I held a knife to my wrist and prayed for the courage to press down; I couldn’t because of her loving embrace. She showed me that suicide was not a way out. She also showed me that it’s never THAT bad, and that she would NEVER abandon me. Over the years my dependency on her decreased, and in order to give back, I joined my local NORML chapter and now plan education events and teach the community about the miracle of cannabis in medicine and religion.
Then my next experience came from living in the mountains. I don’t think I would have had this opportunity otherwise. But after nearly 4-6 months in Appalacia, I finally got the chance to try psilocybin mushrooms. And while I found it very pleasurable and eye opening, it wasn’t religious. Not yet anyway. But my roommate at the time who I’d grown up with convinced me that now I needed to try exstacey as it was the most purely wonderful loving experience that anyone can ever know. So I took my girlfriend at the time to a Samhain rave and, a friend got the X for us, and we rolled balls all night! Throughout that night, I began to see that “only love prevails” and “love is all you need.” My depression wouldn’t bother me again for months, and this would lay the foundation for me to A: inevitably cure my depression with Mary’s help, and B: begin a foundation of religious drug use; for I knew that the gods had truly wanted me to experience the wonder of Exstacey.
But let me stop here and say that I don’t recommend that you try street exstacey because it is almost always cut with crap that could hurt your body and some that may kill you. Not always, but often enough. You never know because it’s illegal and unregulated. But a myth about exstacey is that it takes away Ice-cream scoops from the brain. In fact it does nothing of the sort. What it does do negatively to your body is dehydrate you (one would want to drink lots of water but not too much; 1-2 gallons of water is lethal) and the active ingredient that makes you roll in Exstacey is MDMA which depletes your serotonin levels over prolonged use.
But anyway, it was about 2 years later before I had the most intense experience of my life. This was the one I had been waiting for since I became Pagan. In the Winter/Spring of 2007 I ate a sixteenth of an ounce of psilocybin mushrooms and one pill of exstacey; and met the goddess and god of Wicca, personally! This showed me for the first time in my life that deity is a reality. Until that point I had just assumed it was true. But this experience gave me a foundation to build upon, to be able to commune with my deity in a way that I never could before, and today it’s not quite second nature, but it has certainly secured my belief in the positiveness of what I am doing. In this since Silly showed me the truth of my own reality.
Another things Silly did for me was give me a bond to the earth that I wouldn’t have otherwise had. In the beginning as a Wiccan I was more attracted to Luna (goddess of the moon) but after growing a great appreciation for the earth through the beauty that Silly brings forth I realized my first calling was Gaia. But in my pantheon Luna is her sister, so she’s still a great part of my life
But suffice it to say that I would not be of the “Gaian Mind” without the guidance that Silly provided me with.
Next, Lucy helped refine my communion with the gods. In addition she helped me suppress the ego to a level where I can get along in the reality of the world better than before. Terrence Mckenna did is with Psilocybin but I think that for me Silly helped with more of a Gaian rebirthal in my life while Lucy helped me ‘see the light’ in a sense.
The first time I ate LSD I met Mary Jane. This is ironic that Lucy introduced me to Mary before introducing herself to me. But I suppose the order of things plays a major role in the later unfolding of events. Eventually she showed me an entire pantheon of goddesses in a way that helped me become all that which I need to be, for mother earth. (Who is of course, supreme for me.)
Lucy also helped me find the path of goddess worship that I follow today, and she helped me refine it. Though I’m always refining it and inevitably she still helps with that more than any other… But suffice it to say that in the summer of 2008 when I spent the most time with Lucy, there was one particular trip that changed my life forever yet a second time. It was almost as big of a paradigm shift, as was Silly and Molly introducing me to two deities. I had sought that experience for nearly two decades, but the new experience through Lucy, of my goddesses, was something I could have never imagined. I could have never anticipated creating my own pantheon and path. But it wasn’t just entheogens and me; it also has a base in Z-Budapest’s goddess worship tradition as well as ancient Hellenic and Native traditions. I like to pick and choose…
The goddess is in everything. This was shown to me August 8th 2008. I’ve mentioned how I met Mary Jane long before any other of my (non-mainstream) goddesses; this is what gave me a foundation to realize all of my goddesses. This trip was the one in which I realized through Lucy’s aid, that I am my own god and none are greater than myself. Many are my equal brothers, but I will never bow to a god who does not see me as an equal; as I’m sure most don’t. I will never worship a god, or hold ritual for them; however I will attend rituals with masculine deity presences and I am respectful and generally enjoy myself. [Though too, I often experience many Pagan men who walk around with their dick in their hand trying to show it off (metaphorically speaking)] But anyway the trip continued.
About 3 hours into the core of the trip I realized that It is my responsibility to Gaia, to protect the inherent birth right of all born of her womb to follow their own path as long as by doing so they harm none. We all must follow our own path, for the path of another may lead us astray. ‘Mine life is as a path in the earth that my goddess has lain out for me.’ This was a great awakening for me. Later in the coming down from this trip as I sipped Absenth, I realized the presence of the goddess Abby (Daughter of the fey). At this point, the rest just flooded out. When I got home that night the most I could say on my spirituality is that I realized that I am a goddess based earth shaman. Gaia is my mother and Mary Jane my wife. Goddesses rule everything; including but not limited to the elements, of which all are a part of the earth. “Then there are Lucy& Silly, Abby & Molly and I am sure many more to come. And of course [goddess of] Appalachia [Queen Lacia]. I celebrate the four seasons, [of Gaia] the phases of the moon goddess Luna (Gaia’s sister), and I will do my best to serve my goddesses in this world in whatever way they need. All of them… always doing as little harm to all life as I can. I am Pagan. An earth shaman of Gaia and Mary Jane.” And that was the most powerful and significant entheogenic experience I have ever known.
Over the few days following I my pantheon came into focus, including her majesty, my queen goddess Lacia of the Appalacian Mountains. She who is my direct link to my Gaia. If you ask me who I am clergy of, it is she. Her love for me can never be surpassed by any other; and the day that I knew this, was the day my life became bearable, and stayed bearable to this day. Her love is truly all I need. I have a quote, “It could be worse; I could be down the mountain!” There is nowhere else in the world I’d rather be than Appalacia.
After I began tripping I began to see that there was something wrong with me. This something bothered a lot of people and I could do only one of two things. Change it, or say ’to hell with them.’ I decided that since it was so many people, perhaps I would attempt to discover the problem and then if I felt it necessary; fix it. The problem had two parts. The first part was that I was too hyper and excited (or too intense) for my own good (it still lingers and probably always will). It got annoying to a lot of people who didn’t dislike me for it, but I realized that this might have something to do with why people always seem so awkward around me and might generally opt out of being around me. Then the second was the fact that I acted and talked like I knew everything, but in reality, knew nothing. I researched nothing, and created flawed hypothesizes in my head based on my own ponderings and philosophies alone. Lucy basically calmed me down, helped me step back, and observe all of this from an objective point of view. Eventually I learned to think before I speak, order my thoughts properly and condense them, and not come off as a dumb ass or a weirdo. I also developed a desire to study and learn as well as a drive to do so. Basically, I realized that I needed to calm down, and act like an adult; which Lucy helped me to achieve. And let me say that I have seen that many people in society today never fully achieve this adulthood. This adulthood doesn’t mean one can’t enjoy themselves immensely! Many people think that a career gives them the title of adult. They get sober and spend all their time acquiring ‘stuff’ and often forget about family, friends, and even their inner self. These people think that this is what they are simply supposed to do because that’s what everyone before them did. This is why hippies of the 60’s and 70’s put on a blue or white collar and settled down. They thought it was expected of them as adults… (They put away what they thought were childish things and ideas) This is why kids have kids. This is why most adults are just ‘bigger kids.’ They grow up in only one sense which surrounds financial responsibility. They only know that which helps them financially, and very few of these people (most people in the world) actually have the basic skills to survive in this reality. This is why we hate, and fight. This is also why we cause each other pain and set up such a divisive system with the haves and the have-nots. The old capitalist paradigm of greed is dying out and won’t last more than another century or two. And as is dissipates, these ‘sheepel’ will find it difficult to find direction in life.
As a quick side note; at this point I think it’s safe to say that Amanita showed me the doorway to projection, but I don’t play there as often yet… Glory is simply that… Glory; Im glad she showed me that aspect of herself. And Achuma introduced me to the fact that I am a combined soul…
I am a shaman. At one sixteenth Cherokee I can give you legality if you like, but blood means nothing; Spirit is everything. And if the white man had not come to America and raped and killed the natives and the land I could have been a Cherokee medicine man or who knows what. But instead Gaia simply took my soul, one of her children, and placed me in a white, male body, so that I could better serve her will and desires for the world.
As a Libertarian I believe that no drug should be illegal for the following reasons. The outlaw of drugs causes the crime, not the drug itself. By simply saying ‘you can’t have this or put it in your body’ we have created a crime which must now be observed. Our body is our temple, and NO ONE has the right to tell you what to do with your own body! This is an inherent birth right.
Over half of all crimes in America are drug related. Even if a drugs effect is death, this is better than rotting in jail being manhandled, raped, and possibly obtain HIV or die from being shanked (and if not, it isn’t uncle Sam’s place to decide for us). At least it would be the choice of the self rather than an external force. Drug offences have mandatory minimum sentences as well, and crimes such as rape and murder don’t. If our prisons weren’t so overcrowded with drug offenders we could jail more rapists and killers for longer periods if not indefinitely. If drugs were legal there would be no cops dying to get them off the street and no people fighting over steeling and profiting off of them. There would be no DRUG WARS. Drugs would be highly regulated and controlled. No one would put anything into their body without knowing what it was first. There would be no ‘dirty’ drugs because regulations require a list of ingredients. (But just like you can overdose on water, so too can you overdose on drugs. Anything is lethal in the right amount!) People also wouldn’t have to risk, assault, rape, and murder to obtain their drugs/ entheogens/ medicine. And we could begin to educate our children on the realities of drugs rather than government propagated lies in which they think that because cannabis isn’t dangerous (such as thoughts created by the government when they make absurd anti-drug commercials wasting our tax dollars) so too would other drugs (that can kill with overdose) be safe since the children now think the government simply lied about everything. Truthful education and research are a necessary key to all of this line of thought, as well as life and reality!
So why do I still consume entheogens…
Well Cannabis saved my life. I owe her everything. This is why I fight for legalization. While I could survive without her now; why the hell would I ever want to! Then as for triptimines; I still have a lot left to learn. Now, I could stop all of my entheogenic use today and be OK. I couldn’t have said this in the past when I lived in constant depression because I had no idea how to ‘get along in the world’ so to speak. Entheogens are the only avenue that could have saved me there. Many will never learn how to exist in this world, but they will continue to exist anyway. Many of them do entheogens and many of these never have and never will learn enough. In this sense it is simply personal preference and realization. But too, I know that even though I have the foundation to survive, I can never become that which I most desire without entheogens. It is simply a goal to strive for. That goal is legitimate Paganism; one that my ancestors of 3000 years ago would be proud of. Learning notable magick is a large aspect of this. Creating ritual and manifesting the reality I want to live in, are others. The only ways that I have found to better myself along this path are through triptimine consumption and chanting Nam-Myoh-Renge-Kyo. Most Pagans practice magick. But few do things more than simple energy manipulation to get partial results in life (if anything). I want more than that; as do many Pagans. I don’t seek to channel for assistance, rather, I seek to manipulate my reality and life to gain the results I want. Now don’t go jumping on that term just because it sounds so evil. I mean manipulate the forces of reality and the universe. I have moved beyond the White, grey, black magick distinctions. Rather I except that the positiveness or negativness of magick, is judged by what it is used for; not just its nature as many new age Pagans believe. (I am new age too)
But I realized a long time ago that in order to turn on the part of my consciousness or reality that controls these forces, I would need external stimuli. And entheogens combined with meditation, chanting, and practice, are the best I have found. The overall key being practice. And to be quite honest, I neglected this for nearly a decade before I finally began. And it was only due to triptimines that I did begin to actually practice.
With the world we live in, being comprised of so many faiths and paths, I see many who are so fake, so terribly inconsiderate of the truth and reality that they will never achieve what countless others have been experiencing and living since the dawn of our species. Terrence says that our evolution was a product of entheogenic consumption. We all have the ability to awaken to the multitude of our reality, but many will refuse to the bitter end to see it because of fear. A lot of people, (not just Pagans) love to benefit from the teachings of others that have done entheogens. These people are happy to learn from the individuals who have gained wisdom through entheogens, but rarely will they entertain the idea that their teachers would have done entheogens, and many still would say that they could simply learn from those who have done it without doing it themselves. But you can’t experience someone else’s reality without experiencing your own.
Entheogens help us see where we need to fine tune our structure and become the best Pagans, Buddhists, Christians, or whatever; that we can be. Too often, people play rather than practice or; they don’t practice what they preach. Many Pagans either only practice for shock value, or perhaps they are a bit more refined and practice for fun and enthusiasm. Some may even desire to change their reality, but they never want to take difficult steps to do so. They like their cushy MTV lives. But one thing they have in common is that they all play rather than practice. It’s something fun to do to pass the time. Maybe get some shocks, and feel good about the self, without ever really becoming that which is most desired by the self. A brother of mine explained the difference of practice and play to me in a way that I understood as: when individuals play, they aren’t living it; without practicing one can never refine anything. It (magick, ritual, service, mass, meditation) is a weekend or part time thing to those who play.
Now, I don’t mean rush out, trip balls, and think that you now have all the tools to be clergy and tell people how to live their life. Many people do this because they are so overwhelmed by what they experience that they think that they need to release it in some way and tell the world. That’s great! But wait. Many may even spend years tripping before they do this, but so few people integrate their experiences. In this case many people tend to rush head on into nothingness and may drag people down with them. But we all need time to analyze and integrate. And it’s OK if we never leave the integration stage, because integration is applied practice. But rushing head on into the creating of one’s own religion practiced by others scenario, leaves no time for your personal practice. One would only be practicing the past and growing very little.
A damn good way to ‘live it’ is to take the time to inconvenience yourself. Lucy helped me see that. One must realize that life isn’t all fun and games. The reason for suffering is so that we might experience personal growth. Nichiren Buddhism tells us that some of the best memories in our lives come from learning to overcome suffering! One must see that through suffering for a time, you can inevitably achieve inner peace and contentness. Suffering helps us to learn to deal with a great multitude of life’s issues. One way that I personally inconvenience myself, is by never walking on grass with shoes on unless I make an offering of black beans to the earth as an apology for treading on her and harming her plant life. If we had no pavement I would need no shoes and this would be more respectful to nature. Shoes are only made for walking on manmade terrain.
Another thing to consider might be volunteer work. Remember that if you only do things for a reward then you will never truly feel rewarded. Volunteer help is something that every great religious leader throughout time has put their heart and soul into. The bettering of the lives of others, and the contribution to our community without expectation of something in return is one of the greatest ways to feel truly rewarded, integrate, and start doing and becoming something in society, and live a rewarding and open lifestyle.
Just think for a minute about how few people actually live their practices; live what they preach. Few westerners do! The eastern world knows how to walk the walk they talk; for goodness sakes, SGI president Ikeda has manifested the truest form of life for himself and achieved Buddha-hood simply by adhering to the three pinnacles of: Practice, Faith, and Study! Dr. Emoto has proven the existence of life within water and Hira Ratan Manek nourishes himself through the sun rather than food (and this is only to name a few)! But of course no one is infallible. We are after all, only human. But western civilization has completely lost touch with reality, and in my opinion the only way to retrieve it is through entheogenic ritual, meditation, and practice!
Through the expansion of the mind I have found a way to achieve my personal inner peace. This is not the inner peace we get when we find a soul mate, or have our first child, or graduate from college. This is an inner peace that Shakyamuni Buddha spoke of. One that lasts forever. An inner peace that comes from knowing our own personal security. It comes from knowing who we are. And very few people can say that they know who they are. I have never met someone who had an open consciousness that didn’t do entheogens at some point in their life. Not an open mind to new things, rather, an open and enlarged or expanded consciousness. This is something I doubt many could even grasp without having at least consumed cannabis. But hey; to each, her own. Just because this worked best for me doesn’t make it your path. Your body is YOUR temple and no one can tell you who you are or what to do, except you!

Note: With the exception of cannabis, I don’t seek out these entheogens regularly anymore. I simply partake when they come to me. Also I do not endorse anyone getting ‘fucked up’ on drugs. I do however condone trying new things and opening the mind.